I feel like lately I've had a lot of moments that make me stop and think about what my life would have looked like if I had made different decisions...small, seemingly insignificant decisions that felt like they only changed the moment I was in, but looking back...have changed the entire course and landscape of my life in the past few years. As of this morning, I have finished 5 years of post-secondary education, and the person I am today is so very different from the person who began at TKUC all those years ago. Would I change the way things have turned out? The way I have turned out? No, I really don't think so. But at the same time, I find myself thinking about how my life would have taken a different turn at certain crucial moments. Choosing my major, my roommate(s), the men in my life, my friends, the movies I've watched...everything down to the musicians I've been exposed to and have connected with. At any given moment in the past 5 years, i feel as though a slight change in the decisions I've made would have had radical, long-term effects upon the person I am now. (This knowledge, by the way, does not in any way decrease the pressure I feel at the moment to make decisions for my future!)
When the most important things in our lives happen we quite often do not know, at the moment, what is going on.
- CS Lewis "Mere Christianity"
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in some ways we so in control of our life path, and yet how there is no way we can know how our choices are going to combine to make us end up where we are (and who we are). so we are simultaneously in control and yet so completely out of control. i can't decide if this is encouraging or just the opposite.
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