if you want your things, they're on the front step...

I am moving. I hate moving. All the boxes and organizing and collection of your life into compartments and fitting them into vehicles to be transported across the city. But there is something exciting about this move for me. I already love the house and I know one of my two roommates very well, and the location is perfect. Kind of like the country inside the city. If you saw the place you'd know what I mean. There is something calming about the place itself. I feel myself relax when i walk up to the door. I have loved other places I have lived and other roommates, but for the past four months, I've been living in a state of transition. Living out of boxes and my car and a tent in the backyard. I have really enjoyed the summer, but at the same time, this house, this place, has not been a place of shelter and peace for me. For most of the summer it has been Jamie and myself in the house and for the past few weeks, well, more like the past two months, I've been living in a tent in the backyard and she's been sleeping on the couch. I think that this is an interesting phenomenon. I was thinking about it on my way into work this morning and I think for both of us, we've been having a hard time finding our own "space" this summer. Sure we both have rooms inside the house, but neither of us choose to use them. I think this says a lot about what is going on subconsciously. Now both of us are packing to move to places that we already love and are excited to be in and that makes me very happy because it is much needed. I know I'm not explaining this very well, but when I looked at my new room last night I thought about what will all happen to me there. How many phone calls to loved ones, how many nights spent writing and photographing, how many of my cries and laughs will these new walls hear. It is a beautiful thing to be moving into shelter. I am excited.

The ones that get to your soul...

This will be a two-fold blog entry I have decided. First of all, I want to talk about the Parkland area of Edmonton and make mention of a certain woman who lives there. Every week I am out in the Parkland subdivision cutting parks and boulevards and pipelines. And more than once now, Karen and I have been driving off or on to the Anthony Henday and an asian woman is driving through that very same intersection. Now, normally, that wouldn't be too memorable. I'm sure we have encountered many of the same people in the same places at the same times, but this woman is different. She drives wearing a full visor over her face. Almost as though she is on her way to weld something, but not quite so hard core. Each time we've seen her now, she is never without that full face visor...rain or shine and it brings a fantastic amount of joy to Karen and I's day.
Also, a mention of Parkland would not be complete without bringing attention to the Husky hotdogs. They are quite possibly the best hotdogs in the entire city and the condiments, the likes of which have never been seen before, include not only the usual but banana peppers, sauerkraut and often fresh, finely chopped onion. The other day, when I was in there having my 9am hotdog, I met a man who works on the North East end of the city, but drives all the way out to Parkland Husky (on the far west side of the city) to get a hotdog everyday. mmmm. Thursday here I come.


Now, on a totally different note, I'd like to share with you some lyrics from the fantastic Xavier Rudd. Its a song called Message, and I really like it.

So come sit down
Will you talk with me now?
Let me see through your eyes
Where there is so much life
We are biding our time
For these myths to unwind
These changes we will confront

So peace be where
With every place that you had
Look to your soul
For these things that you know
For the trees that we see
Cannot forever breathe
With the changes they will confront

You know some people
They just wont understand
They just wont understand these things
Thank you for your message
But I don't understand
No, I just wont understand these things

This sacred land it has
Seen many hands, it has
Wealth and gold yet it is
Fragile and old and all the
Greedy souls just don't care to know
Of the changes it will confront

So speak out loud of the
Things you are proud
And if you love this coast
Keep it clean as it evolves
Cos the way that it shines
May just dwindle with time
With the changes it will confront

You know some people
They just wont understand
They just wont understand these things
Thank you for your message
But I don't understand
No, I just wont understand these things
You know some people
They just wont understand
They just wont understand these things
Thank you for your message
But I don't understand
No, I just wont understand these things

So hold nice and close
The ones that get to your soul
So that when it is cold
You wont feel so alone
Cos the roads that you take
May just crack and break
With the changes you will confront

With each gift that you share
You may heal and repair
With each choice that you make
You may help someone's day
Well I know you are strong
May your journey be long
Now I wish you the best of luck
Well I know you are strong
May your journey be long
And now I wish you the best of luck

and the wheels just keep on turning, the drummer begins to drum...

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways, truer answers, or more beautiful, promising potentialities."

- M. Scott Peck

it just takes some time little girl, you're in the middle of the ride...

Last night I was sitting by a fire and I was asked to play a song on the guitar. And as I declined, I realized that I haven't played guitar in such a long time. I stared at that guitar and couldn't think of a single song that I would want to play. This sort of disturbed me. I have come to think of myself as a musical person. I have played piano and guitar and sax for most of my life. And its been months and even years since I've picked these instruments up. I am slowly allowing myself to become un-musical, which is odd, seems how I always have music playing in my life. When i'm home, when i'm at work, when i'm cooking supper, when i'm showering, when i'm reading...I'm always listening to music. But never any music coming from myself. I used to love playing music. It never sounded as good as the original people performing it, but there was something in the feeling of playing it for myself that really captured of piece of myself.
I think I will pick up my guitar again tonight and see what comes of it.

miss almost, miss maybe, miss halfway...

I went for a walk with Jamie in the rain tonight for 2 hours. She always has so much going on in her mind and when we go for walks, it seems to just spill out from her and take shape and form and its incredible to just sit back and listen to and watch and let it wash over me.
There is so much faith and hope and beauty and passion in what she says that I am so challenged by it. On days when I begin to feel as if the human race is becoming ridiculous and stupid and so self-centered, there are moments that she says something and I am forced to step back and see the hope and beauty in humanity and the love and potential that exists in this world.
It makes me realize that there is so much more that I could do with my life and at the same time, that there is a real simplicity in just loving and respecting the people around me.

And as it continues to drizzle rain and the temperature drops, I realize...I have enjoyed this summer.