may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten...

I've been "angsty" lately. Sometimes, or rather most times, when I get this way, i can't quite put my finger on WHY I am feeling the way I do. Usually I have a pretty good self-awareness, but there are times when I get this feeling of unease that festers inside me and I can't figure it out. Sometimes it reveals itself in the most unlikely of places, about the most unlikely topics. Today I spent some time at Karen's. I didn't intend to get all intense about things. I mostly came because I had some extra time and her house was close to where I needed to be later and I like hanging out with her. But suddenly, somewhere we started talking about some really intense things and it just all came pouring out of me. I realized that all of these things I had been thinking about independently were all linked in ways I hadn't realized before they came spilling out of my mouth. Now, I'm not sure I'd call myself a verbal processor because when something like this happens and I end up ranting on something and jumping from idea to idea, I'm not so much working things out, as I am actually realizing that I'm thinking about all these things. And today was no exception. I'd be talking about one thing and then something else would come up in my mind as related to it and I'd jump on that idea and try and work it back into my first idea before another new idea popped up to complicate things. Well, that sounds confusing now. And it was. And Karen sat, listening to me and taking it all in, interested, asking me questions, giving me opinions and ideas even though I was going through extreme non-linear thought processes.

But beyond the process, what has come up in my mind now is the overwhelming question of..."IS IT ENOUGH?" Is it enough to live a life of ordinary, quiet love for humanity? Is it enough to pursue what you love? Is it enough to actively care about the world around you and do what you see yourself capable of in the way you see as best working out that vision? Is it enough? Or is there so much more? Should we be pushing ourselves to work out a vision larger than ourselves? Should I be putting more of myself, my energy, my resources into venues that have potential to see worldwide justice? In this global community we all exist within, should we be actively caring about the issues that affect the whole of humanity? Should I be doing more?

I don't know.

Is it enough to live life passionately with integrity, aware of injustice and in awe of the beauty that surround us?
(Who's version of passionate? Who's definition of integrity? Which injustices? Is beauty enough?)